Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Can I Hep Shu?

Tuesday, April 4, 2006 1558 hrs.

Here's the latest update. I received an sms from the gentleman from Caltex:-

"Dear Patrick, I've forwarded a show cause letter to our retail partner at Jln Ipoh on 31 March demanded for full explanation. Will keep you posted. (name of sender withheld by me)

(Adam: "Ya. Can I hep shu?)

A couple of nights ago I came home from the KLPAC and read this email in my mailbox...

"Good afternoon Mr. Teoh.
We refer to your undermentioned blog regarding our station in Jalan Ipoh placing barriers at the pump island on 27 February 2006 night just before the price change. We view this seriously and would appreciate very much if you could confirm which station as we have 2 stations in Jalan Ipoh. The one you are referring to is it near the police station/Sentul? The other one is at the opposite end of Jalan Ipoh (4 1/4 mile).
We would very much like to look into this matter and would value your confirmation.
Thank you for your valuable time and we look forward to your feedback.

C K L, Retail Business Consultant

Caltex Oil Malaysia Limited (992309 U)
Retail Marketing

From: M Sent: Monday, 6 March 2006 9:39 AM To: Subject: FW: Have you read this from Patric Teoh's blog ?"

Hmmmm...I thought. Never expected to get reaction from a big ass oil company like Caltex. So I replied...

Frankly, I am surprised when I got this email from you. So much for having confidence in big business. Confidence in anything is hard to summon up these days. You want to know which one it is? Sure. It is the one just before the turn off to the Sentul Curry House. I think you would be right in thinking that it is the one near the Sentul police station. Please keep me informed of your actions. Thank you."

This morning when I switched on my cell phone I had 2 missed calls from a certain Kenny who identified himself as being a Retail Business Consultant (what the hell is that? Decided later that it must be some American way of titling their salesmen or executives) from Caltex. I called him back. Kenny was very polite and affable. He informed me that they had read and taken note of my comments about the Ipoh Road Caltex station and were suitably distressed about it. Why? Caltex cares about their customers wor. Good. About time. Kenny made several attempts to get me to meet up with him even offering to drive out to the KLPAC as he was in the area. Why? He wanted to explain things to me and help to make things better again. When I said I wasn't at the KLPAC Kenny suggested that we meet somewhere so that he could help his company make amends and also to get full details of what happened on that night of my first encounter with the new fuel prices. "Do you live in KL? PJ?" and so it went. After some minutes I said that the best thing would be for Kenny to go find out from the station owner what happened on the night in question and then to let me know so that I can inform visitors to my blog. Kenny then said that he was actually at the station but the owner was on M.C. but that he will definitely get to the bottom of things and keep me/us informed.

And so we wait with bated breath for the next exciting episode. Watch this space.

Paper for Wrapping and the Jokes are FREE

(Adam enjoying his chicken leg or what's going to be left of the 'chicken' when he grows up)

On page N6 of The Star today, Datuk Dr. Abdul Rahman Embong, Professor in Sociology of Development and Principal Fellow at the Institute of Malaysian and International Studies, UKM was quoted as saying that the 9th Malaysia Plan's implementation period 2006-2010 is particularly strategic because we are now entering the second phase towards realising Vision 2020, to become a developed nation.

Developed nation? 2020? Hmmm...I think maybe not so soon la. Just take a look at the photo on the front page of today's Star. In particular the man on the left with a plateful of fried chicken in his left hand while his right hand is grabbing another handful of the free food. There's also another guy on the right with a plate of chicken enough to feed half the population of Ethiopia. Why this sudden rush for fried chicken when chicken sellers in markets all over Malaysia are lamenting a drop in sales due to the bird flu scare? Why? Because it's FREE what! Free cannot die one.

The news story reported that the event was a publicity stunt by the Malacca Hawkers and Traders Association. 18 chicken traders donated 10 birds each for the free chicken meal which was later supplemented by another 200kg more. The invitation I guess was come and eat free chicken la. No bird flu problem with our properly cooked chicken. But being Malaysians people brought along the infamous pink plastic bags to ta pau and stockpile for the next famine.

Looking at the photo of those 'hungry' Malaysians at the chicken feast in Malacca I thought...Vision 2020 ah? Hmmm...........Vision 4040......MAYBE.

Friday, March 24, 2006


(Adam doing his impression of a Malaysian minister of information)

For some inexplicable reason the first page of The Star newspaper I turned to this morning was Page N10. I was very glad that I did that because it started my morning off with a big belly laugh and that doesn't happen often these days with the kind of news we've been getting.

There on page N10 under the headline "RTM to launch third channel" was this hilarious quote from the minister of information, "We are working towards screening only good quality programmes." Hahahahaha...what a joker he is this YB. Listen, YB RTM has been trying to do that for the past 40 years. Without any success. So pardon us if we don't hold our breaths for your obvious attempt at "I'm the new minister so I am going to have to say something worthy of the post of Minister of Information"-ism. So Ali, Ah Chong and Samy get ready for more RTM trash to hit the airwaves. In the same story was something less funny. Apparently, RTM is going to celebrate it's 60th anniversary by throwing more good money down the longkang. The YB announced that RTM is going to rename its two TV channels and is planning on launching a 3rd one.

TV1 and TV 2 are going to be renamed...wait for it...RTM1 and RTM2!


In his infinite wisdom the YB is going to cause to be spent probably millions of Ringgit to affect a name change to something which is almost exactly the same as the old one. Way to go, YB. You've proven conclusively that you have what it takes to be a Minister of Information in Malaysia. The YB also threatened that TV2/RTM2 is planning to broadcast round the clock. Yawn. Waffor, Yang Berhormat? More programmes featuring badly dressed, pea-brained, out of touch with reality, bush jacket wearing goons sitting in a row discussing topics nobody is interested in all set against a backdrop that is reminisent of LSD induced color hallucination?

On page N12 of The Star headlined, "IRB leads in saving electricity" it is reported that IRB chief executive officer, Tan Sri Zainol Abidin Abdul Rashid had always stressed the efficient use of energy and would ask that all lights and air-conditioners be switched off when nobody was in the office". But since IRB is a government office wouldn't that be ALL the time? Great savings indeed.

On the same page Deputy Minister of Youth and Sports Datuk Liew Tiong Lai announced that "Companies should send their staff for training and upgrade their skills to remain competitive." Oi! YB if you are so clever to speak why doesn't the Kerajaan practice what you preach and train their staff like you advise? You're funny la.

And this is hilariously scary. The proposed second bridge for Penang is estimated to cost RM2.6 billion. RM4 billion saved from fuel subsidy=improve public transport services=RM2.6 billion to build bridge=not enough money for busses, trains upgrade=cut some more subsidy=DAMN TERUK

Page N4 announced the opening of the new low cost carrier terminal in Sepang. I must admit that I have not been following the progress of this project. But can somebody tell me why there was a need to build another terminal when to all of us ordinary Joe's the KLIA looks very under-utilised? And of course, being a typical Malaysian project the planning wasn't so good la. The low cost terminal (LCT) is situated kilometers away from the KLIA and the Express Rail Link (ERL) terminals. From what was announced a few days ago the shuttle bus service from KL to the LCT appears to be a hurriedly put together after-thought and will probably cause a lot of inconvenience and discontent among people who need to use the LCT regularly. What about passengers who need to commute from KLIA to the LCT? I am sure there are shuttle bus services but from reading what has been in the press about the LCT and its services I don't remember reading a heck of a lot about all this nitty-gritty stuff which must be an integral part of launching something like LCT. Hai mai? So all you flers who need to use the LCT make sure you get there hours and hours before your flight or connecting flight or you'll be forced to endure typical Malaysian hospitality for longer than you want to. Hahahaha... sorry ah.

Okay a quick quiz for you. Where in KL do you board the shuttle bus that will take you to the LCT? If you took more than 5 seconds to answer it means we're screwed!

Here's another one. How much does it cost to take the KL-LCT shuttle bus?

BEEEEEEEP! You're screwed! Thank you. Next.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Oh Minister...PLEASE!

(Adam demonstrating what most politicians do when they discuss issues affecting you and me...)

When I read the Star this morning I was both infuriated and scared at the same time. Buried in page N14 under the headline "Don't interfere in Islam, non-Muslims warned" was the cause of my stress after almost 59 years of proudly being a Malaysian. It wasn't what was actually said that upset me but rather the tone of voice and the bad choice of words used by this one elected representative in our Dewan Rakyat.

The Star reported, "The minister in the Prime Minister's Department, Datuk Seri Mohd Nazri Abdul Aziz warned that the Government would not hesitate to use the Sedition Act against those who insulted Islam."

Fair enough. Nobody should be allowed to insult another citizen's religion.

The minister went on to say, "We will not think twice about using the law against anybody who incites."

Of course, that's the right thing to do. I have no problems with that.

But I get very pissed off when the minister says stuff like this..."But you must remember the word amok comes from this country and there is a limit to everything." He preceded that by saying that the "tolerance level among Muslims was high."

Is that a thinly veiled threat? What was the minister trying to insinuate?

The next quote is nothing but spine-chillingly frightening for all loyal, true Malaysians..."We do not want to take away your rights but religion is an important matter, especially to the Muslims."

There is a much better and more correct way of saying things, YB. Choose your words wisely next time, Yang Berhormat. The last thing we need is for more problems caused solely by misunderstanding due to the poor use of words by our elected representatives.

Pak Lah, I think this gentleman from your department deserves at least a slap on the wrist. Maybe you should send him for lessons in communication before he throws another spanner in your works.

The full Star story can be read here.

p/s I tried to post the update before midnight on March 21 but couldn't because there seemed to be something wrong with blogger. So the discrepancy with the dates mentioned in the story and the date of the post.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

And the winner is...

(Adam grimacing as he reads through the caption contest entries)

Well, the entries have been vetted and the winner has been chosen. It has been a tough process picking a winner from the more than 280 entries received for the caption contest. Not many were funny. Some were downright rude. Some were pathetic. Some clearly showed that the writers should not give up their day jobs and go into comedy writing. All the entries kind of showed what we have known for some time now. That Malaysians have lost their sense of humour along with their petrol subsidies. But we said there would be a winner and so we have to pick one...................Patrick Teoh

What is it about Malaysians and infantile erection jokes? Many of the entries were with gay innuendos and hitting below the belt, literally. Instead of lampooning the scenario, some choose to make anonymous personal attacks on the minister. Maybe is the angst venting but surely the message is lost Anyway, congrats to the winner...........................TV Smith

The winning entry...

1:46 PM, March 09, 2006
erina93 said...

Congratulations, erina93 you're the winner of ONE of the following prizes:-

1. Satay dinner and teh tarik for you and your partner with TV Smith and Patrick Teoh at Studio 5, Ampang Jaya.

2. 2 tickets to the KLPAC production of Harold Pinter's "The Homecoming", March 24 to April 2, 2006.

3. A visit from TV Smith and Patrick Teoh AND the King of Malaysian Bloggers, Jeff Ooi to your town of residence to buy you and your partner a dinner and teh tarik and maybe tok some kok. Peninsula Malaysia only. Sorry.

4. The name and address of Ong Ka Ting's tailor.

To claim your prize please send an email with your contact details and the prize you would like to mortimer53@gmail.com

Entries can be read here.

Special thanks to Suanie for the balloon captions.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Where In The World?

Riding around the city in the RapidKL bus this afternoon, I spotted this sign of typical Malaysian standards of maintenance...

Where are these buildings? Some abandoned condo project? Birds nest harvesting hotels?

Some pre-war heritage building destined for demolition? What?

No...they are...part of...

Weren't we once, not so long ago, so proud of these two monolithic structures? Didn't we all swell up with Malaysia Boleh spirit whenever they were mentioned? Didn't we use to boast with them to tell the world that we are soooooooooo GAYA?

Ha? Oh yes, I forgot. They're not the tallest buildings in the world anymore, right? So waffor to maintain, right? Right.

The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round...

(Adam enjoying his ride on the RapidKL shuttle bus.)

My family and I went for a joy ride on the RapidKL shuttle bus this afternoon. We boarded the bus in front of the Concorde Hotel. The bus air-con was comfortable. The bus was clean. The bus was state of the art. CCTV cameras for the exit door even. The bus was near empty. Unlike all the commuters who have to endure crowded, smelly busses at rush hour to get to and from work, we enjoyed the ride for what it was.

But reading the commuter horror stories in The Sunday Star today I am glad that I do not have to depend on public transport to get to work. But if fuel prices keep going up I might have to follow our wise DPM's advice to change my lifestyl and 'accept' public transport. Withdraw some subsidies = increase in fuel prices and costs of living = change lifestyle and accept public transport = public transport system cannot cope with sudden overload of so many changed lifestyles = collapse of system = change lifestyle again = don't go to work = ask for subsidies = ...eh? what am I doing ah? Sorry ah. Got carried away there.

Yeah, the RapidKL bus we were on was great. Then we arrived at the RapidKL KLCC "hub". It was a joke. Hub? It's just a street side bus stop la, dei! And the busses have to share the road space with cars which use it illegally, tour busses which park there illegally and taxis which use it as a sort of "hub" too. First world Bus. Third world infrastructure. Then I took this photo of the RapidKL "hub"'s control centre...

(RapidKL's KLCC Control Centre)

Man with cap: "RM2 kali 3 orang...ermmmmmmm"
Man with glasses: "Siapa ni ambik gambar?"
Man with grey hair: "Eh! Eh! Tengok awek tu. Mari. Duduk kat pak cik."
Man with black jacket: "Eh! Lu jangan cakap banyak. Gua ada senyum bila pandu bus."

The plastic bag on the table contained some nangka. It was close to 4 o'clock so I guess they were preparing for tea at the control centre. One can only imagine what those steel rulers are for. But being Malaysian, even those are bent:-)

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Well, I'll Be Damned!!!

(Ong Ka Ting on LRT. Photo from The Star, March 8, 2006)

(Passenger with tie: "Baarger! Najib should have done this first la. Miss la. Ape hal le lu?)

(Woman passenger thinking: "So hemsome he."

(Man behind OKT: "F**K! Forgot my deodorant again!")

They are actually doing it!!! Well, one of them anyway. MCA prez and Minister, Ong Ka Ting was pictured in The Star today riding the LRT to his meeting in Jalan Ampang. This is leadership by example of the finest degree. His leader speaks, he makes the example. LOL...sorry couldn't resist that one. My first thought when I saw the photo today was to poo-poo it as a PR stunt. But on second thought, I also thought that it was a step, however small, in our VIP's realisation process that they should show by example rather than spew advice ad-nauseum. However, my cynical side still believes that this is just a PR stunt. Riding the LRT in a suit and tie among the rest of the long suffering raayat? Who is the PR person? Sack him/her. I remember that when the MCA leaders meet with members all these flers would wear their short sleeved white shirts. White=I am pure as snow. Trust me. Short sleeved shirt=I am just like you. A working slob. But once you elect me, it's Zegna suits and Gucci ties. Sorry la, have to look good for the TV camera ma.

But it is good la. If all the VIP's put their money where their mouths are and take public transport to work and be with the raayat I am sure that would go a long way in making things better. LRT's would not dare be late, dirty, rude etc. if VIP's are regular users. Or would they? But then ah...if VIP's use public transport they would be accompanied by all their minders who would push people aside, blare their sirens and generally be pains in the ass. Wouldn't they? Well, we shall see. Not that it's going to happen sometime soon la:-)

Meanwhile, here's a contest. Look at the photo of OKT on the LRT with the raayat. Caption it. What is he saying? What are the other passengers saying? Be creative. The best caption, judges' (TV Smith and Patrick Teoh) decision is final, wins any ONE of the following prizes:-

1. Satay dinner and teh tarik for you and your partner with TV Smith and Patrick Teoh at Studio 5, Ampang Jaya.

2. 2 tickets to the KLPAC production of Harold Pinter's "The Homecoming", March 24 to April 2, 2006.

3. A visit from TV Smith and Patrick Teoh AND the King of Malaysian Bloggers, Jeff Ooi to your town of residence to buy you and your partner a dinner and teh tarik and maybe tok some kok. Peninsula Malaysia only. Sorry.

4. The name and address of Ong Ka Ting's tailor.

No anonymous posts. These will be deleted. If you don't have a blogger account use the tab "Other".
No personal attacks, gay bashing etc. These will be deleted.

Keep it clean. Keep it real. Keep it funny.

CONTEST ENDS March 15, 2006. Results here on March 19, 2006.

Go crazy guys!

p/s I don't think that Najib is going to be seen on the LRT or RapidKL busses real soon. Might crease his Hugo Boss suit.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Tokkok Monkeys

(Politicians step out of their cars to ponder effects of fuel price increase. Deputy head monkey: Change your lifetsyle la dei!"
No slur intended on the monkeys by using their image. Sorry brothers. Photo courtesy of TV Smith)

I received quite a few comments on the last post, Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush. Good comments too. I thought that I'd post them up as a blog so that we can share with all the visitors to Tokkok. If some of it don't make sense you'll have to go read the original comments la. Sorry ah.

blinka.li, what is "people 5mins chicken poo poo heat also u so kek sim". I don't get the connection la.

Great idea, egghead. How wonderful if all work can be done from home. Using a national high speed fibre optic network. On that thought, wasn't there some project some years ago to lay fibre optics throughout the country? What happened to that ah? No subsidies issit? Another Malaysian pipe dream?

You're right, Cronoz. With all that's happening the old Kamikaze Mini busses don't seem such a bad alternative now.

Ya, KK whenever these things happen the politicians instead of sympathising with the poor long suffering raayat and informing them of what is being done to alleviate their problems, they start spewing 'advice'. And the thing that always pisses me off is the tone of language they choose to use. Patronising us like little children while they drive about in their fuel guzzling Mercedes Benz's and BMW's. And it's 4.4 billion they save. Not 1 billion.

Eh, anonymous, I think you should keep your 1982 Proton la. Gen-2 may bring you more problems. LOL. And if you said what you wrote to our DPM or any other menteri they will quickly tell you that a minister's pay is not that much and that they too suffer like every other member of the Malaysian raayat. Yeah, right.

F**K the DPM? Oh dear, wani, wani, wani. What language! LOL. But I am sure you'd have to stand in line for that though:-)

Good point, nimble. That's one thing that I can never understand. Why former public services that have been privatised and which report record profits year afer year need to increase rates? If they were so profitable in the first place why were they privatised out of public hands? Well...that sentence sort of explains itself doesn't it? What is the point of privatising something that's not profitable?

fireangel, your equation sent a chill up my spine. MAS = public transportation. Is it just coincidence that MAS needs RM4 billion to get out of the shit house? Oh my gawd!!!

After all is said and done, it is the ordinary, totally screwed Malaysian who is to blame for all that's happening to him. Years of apathy have given rise to a series of administrations that know just how easy it is to pull the wool over his eyes. Even now, most of us are just moaning and groaning for a while before we go back to our 'cari makan' attitude ..."Hiyah! Can make money enough lor. Waffor want to trouble leh?"

Until the next fuel/power rate increase la. Then we talk somemore.

Okay lah, I got to go cari makan now. Eh! You pay the teh tarik ok? By the way, the teh tarik smelt like shit la. Ha? Ammonia only issit? Never mind la. You pay ah.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush...

(Adam: Oh no! Not that same story again, papa...I mean Pak Lah. YAWN!)

Everytime there is a price increase on anything the Malaysian raayat get the same tired old excuses from politicians and people whom they have voted to give the mandate to manage their lives in this country. In The Star March 1, 2006, Prime Minister Badawi was quoted as saying that the estimated RM4.4 billion in fuel subsidy saved will be spent to improve the public transportation system. Is it just me or has that been said so often it sounds like a broken record? Well, savings from reducing fuel subsidies go to improving public transportation system. Increases in power tariffs will be for improving something else and so on and so forth. But as we all know Malaysia's public transportation system is still a joke.

Like I've said before it isn't the price increase that I am personally pissed off about. It is the way it was announced and implemented. Sure, we all knew that a price hike was imminent. They'd hinted at it often enough that unless you're really stupid you would know that it was inevitable and prepared in your own ways to deal with it. But why does it always have to be increase first then talk about the plans to deal with repercussions? Why can't it be plan first, increase and then put mitigation plans into effect.

So the Prime Minister says the money saved will be used to improve public transportation. So? How is it going to be used? When? Who? Where? It’s not like they have spent time planning an efficient public transport system, estimated how much it will cost and then get the money from the lowering of the fuel subsidy. It’s almost like somebody came to the realisation that ooops! We can’t afford to pay all these subsidies anymore so let’s withdraw some of it and then tell everybody that we’re going to do something nice for them with the money saved. But of course, since we didn’t plan on what to do really. We’ll leave the money on paper and I am sure that sometime in the near future we’ll need a couple of submarines or a fleet of jet fighters. Or some highway will need repairing. Improving public transport? Oh yeah…forgot about that didn’t we? Hmmm…when can we make the next announcement about withdrawing some more fuel subsidies?

Alright. To be fair to my favourite Prime Minister I am sure that there were plans made to use the money from the subsidies to improve public transportation or whatever. Just for once I, as a voting, tax paying member of the raayat, would like to be told about what exactly those plans are. Not just that money will be spent. Can ah? Not much to ask is it?

And this morning when I read The Star I was really ‘too larn’ la (damn pissed off).

While we are all still reeling from the 30 sen increase in fuel prices and anticipating a total upheaval of our budgets, our Deputy Prime Minister in his infinite wisdom has seen it fit to ‘advise’ us on how to spend our money wisely! Change lifestyle, he said. Hullo, Mr. Deputy Prime Minister we know that already. We’re not stupid and we’re not your little children. Now, how about you telling us in some sensible detail what YOU plan to do with the extra money? When are you going to show us in action what has been promised? Najib said that one change in lifestyle which Malaysians had to make was to accept public transport. Accept? What the fuck does that mean? That we accept that the Malaysian public transportation system SUCKS? We accepted that already that's why we have cars that consume petrol that now costs 30 sen more. When was the last time he took public transport? Does he realise that LRT’s don’t connect? Does he know that there are not enough car parks at LRT stations so that commuters can leave their cars and train it to work? Does he know that most public transport is not disabled friendly? Does he know that KL is NOT a pedestrian friendly city?

Oh yes, did you read this bit in the Star article today? The DPM said, “Some ministers have told me that they use the light rail transit to go for functions.” Really? What’s Najib been smoking?

Actually, The Star today is full of tragically funny stories.

“Don’t Raise Fares” says the Entrepreneur and Cooperative Development Minister to all commercial vehicles, public transport and lorry operators. Okay. So who's going to pay for the 30 sen increase in my fuel costs? No what the YB meant was don't increase unreasonably. Okay. Why didn't you do some homework and tell us exactly what we can raise when you announced the 30 sen hike? Would have made life easier for everyone, right? Of course, then you won't have chance to make press statement la. Too bad they didn't put your photo in the article la. Maybe save cost in printing lor.

Meanwhile, we’re also going to have to deal with KL taxi drivers and their sour faces and their “Tak mahu pegi sana. Jam la”, “Mahu pegi Puduraya dari Jalan Petaling ah? RM30.00 la. Takda meter.” And this time I won’t blame them.

On page N6 some big shot has called for a study on the impact of the fuel price increase. Another study. How many millions will that take out of the savings from reduced fuel subsidies? Dunno. Don’t care also. Must study what.

Apply for fleet card, transport operators urged wor. That story is on page N6. Apparently, they get a discount on diesel. But “HULLO” shouldn’t this have been put in place before the increase? While at it, what about the above mentioned taxi flers? Petrol and gas prices go up by 20% but their meter rate is still the same? So how to put smiles on taxi drivers faces for the tourists? Okay la, we shall think about increasing your meter rate but in the meantime you just continue fleecing tourists and pissing off locals lor. After all that is part of our Malaysian mystique ma.

Ho hum!

Wait, a nightmarish thought just struck me. What if they lumped that proposed multi-billion Ringgit crooked bridge to nowhere under public transportation system? Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, okay....calm down now. What's the worse that can happen? Withdraw some more subsidy lor. Then how? Change your lifestyle la. You deaf ah?