Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Malaysian Slogans

(Adam practising for a possible career in slogan writing for the Kerajaan.)

Through the years since Independence we have been bombarded with loads of government slogans. Most of them have been crap and have achieved nothing more than taking up space. Slogans are by definition a word or phrase used to express a characteristic position or stand or a goal to be achieved. In typical Malaysian style the creators of Malaysian slogans have done little except provide a good laugh for the readers. Sometimes.

Since I started a list of Malaysian slogans in the comments section of the Stay Home blog a number of comment-ers have sent in their 'contributions'. I thought that it would provide a good giggle so instead of leaving them in the comments section which some visitors to the blog might miss I have decided to list them here. Contributors in (...). The list will be updated as and when new slogans are remembered and/or received. Enjoy...

(For the sake of some of our foreign visitors who may also want to understand and learn from our Malaysian slogans, can someone translate the BM into English? Thank you. I've done some that I can. Please excuse my less than SPM BM, okay?)

1. Visit Malaysia. It's Like You Never Left Home (I can't blame this on anyone cos it's my own:-)
2. Malaysia. Truly Asia.
3. Bersih. Cekap. Amanah.
4. Berkhidmat Untuk Negara - Service For The Country
5. Keranamu Malaysia - Because of you Malaysia
6. Cinta IT,Sayang IT (anonymous) - Love I.T.
7. Sekolahku, Rumahku...(manny) - Your School, Your Home
8. Malaysia Boleh!!! (can't believe you guys forgot this (manny) - Malaysia Can Do It!
9. Budi bahasa budaya kita (ummi) - Courtesy Is Our Culture
10. Efisyen Efektif (and two other E's that I've seen on a Khir Toyo billboard, can't remember though) (unladen swallow) - Efficient. Effective.
11. (removed)
12. Cemerlang, Gemilang, Terbilang (Ummi)
13. Negara bersih, rakyat sihat (Ummi) - Clean Country. Healthy Citizens.
14. Satu Lagi Projek Dari Kerajaan Barisan Nasional (bongkerz) Another Project By The Barisan Nasional Government.
15. Belia Benci Dadah (Deb) - Youth Hate Drugs
16. Bahasa jiwa bangsa. (actually, this is one of the few good ones) (Adrienne) (Thank you, symposium for pointing out that silly spelling mistake...Bangsar!)
17. Tak Nak! (Anonymous) - Don't Want
18. Saya anti rasuah (Nazir) I Am Against Corruption
19. Bersatu kita teguh, bercerai kita roboh (Deb)
20. Undi BN, Undi Pembangunan (bongkerz) Vote BN, Vote Development.
21. Majulah sukan untuk Negara (Deb)
22. Pandu cermat jiwa selamat (Deb)
23. Pandu dengan cermat. ingatlah orang tersayang (TG Sheril)
24. Jauhi diri anda dari dadah... (echo...dadah... dadah... dadah...) (Keropok)
25. Mesra, Cepat, Betul (Mesra? Okay lah, to be fair to the men in blue, sometimes when you talk to them nicely, they can be very helpful and friendly. Syabas!

Cepat? Ever tried calling them about a robbery? They will only arrive at the scene 2-3 hours after the robbers have looted everything clean!

Betul? I agree with this one... They are always RIGHT! Don't argue with them, they are always right! No matter how wrong they are, don't "cari gaduh", just shut up... ) (Dean Arif)
26. Kepimpinan melalui teladan (Anonymous)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Stay Home

(Laura practising her harem girl dance steps.)

When I visit U.K. I try to experience the English lifestyle. Warm beer, pub grub. I also try to see as much of the cultural and historical sites I can. Buckingham Palace, the Changing of the Guards, Stonehenge, the moors etc. etc. When I get the chance to visit the USA I will also want to try the American way of life. "Have a nice day", real beef burgers, giant milkshakes, popcorn by the ton etc. etc. In either place, the last thing I want to do is go look for nasi lemak or teh tarik or dim sum or any of the other things that I can get at home at a fraction of the price.

Well, apparently the Arabs are a little different from me when they travel. Or so it would appear looking at some of our efforts to attract more Middle Eastern tourists. Right in the heart of KL's Bukit Bintang area is Arab Square, a little square of land which used to be a children's playground for the residents in the area. It has been transformed into a piece of little Arabia.

Ain Arabia (meaning ‘source of water’) has a gazebo, park benches, feature wall, kiosks and pedestrian and street lights. It features works by Uzbek carvers and Syrian painters, a welcome archway AND an Arabian teapot-water fountain as a welcome symbol ...

(didn't someone say tea pots were really bad things when they raided that Sky Kingdom commune?)

The ex-member of the Yemen Parliament, Dr. Saadaldeen Talib even said that, "It’s very relaxing for both mind and soul and makes an ideal meeting place for the Arabs," says Saadaldeen who was among guests at the recent official launching ceremony by Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Abdul Razak.

Tourism Minister, Datuk Seri Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor said that with these and other efforts at Arab-ising "...we foresee a good increase of tourists from those regions..."

In efforts to further woo Middle East tourists to Malaysia, Adnan said a designated area called "Ain Arabia", or the Arab street, located inBukit Bintang, Kuala Lumpur, was introduced to showcase various Middle Eastern restaurants and shops.

So instead of building on the history and the color and the cultures that are inherrent in the Bukit Bintang area we are on an all out effort to create something alien and totally out of place. Sound familiar?

We are told that pre-9/11 the Middle Eastern flers loved to visit Europe and the USA. Do you think that the Europeans and the Americans tried to change their cities or their cultures to tap the Middle Eastern tourists $$$? Of course not. They knew that tourists come to experience the American or European lifestyle. And if they, the Arabs, couldn't do that they wouldn't go, would they?

I am told that according to ministry figures Singaporeans make up the largest group of visitors (8.79 million) to Bolehland. So how come we don't set up shops selling Bak Chor Mee and other uniquely Singaporean delicacies? How come we don't dedicate a section of the city to them? Let's say, Jalan Alor. Managed with typical Singaporean efficiency? With all the eating stalls housed in ultra-clean hawker centres with clean toilets. The Thais make up the second largest group, 1.73 million. So, let's build lots of big, golden Buddhist temples somewhere.

Sigh. I guess Bukit Bintang is going to undergo a transformation whether we like it or not. Wait...I've got a slogan for the Tourism Ministry's marketing efforts in the Middle East...


It's Such A Joke!

(Adam cringing at some of the things people say.)

On page N29 of The Star today there was a really laughable quote from our ex-P.M. The old Tun is the chairman of the Perdana Leadership Foundation which organised the Perdana Global Peace Forum yesterday. During a special session titled Action Plan For The Global Network For Peace he said that the media in the United States that propagated freedom of press was in fact controlled by five media moguls. He said the media there did not report the true picture of what took place in Iraq or Afghanistan. He added that journalists were subordinates in a controlled media. Because of this, he said, the local media should not depend on the foreign wire services for news reports on other parts of the world.

Really? So the media in the USA is controlled by 5 moguls. What about the media here in Malaysia? The last time I looked it sure looked like most of the Malaysian media is controlled by organisations linked directly or indirectly to the ruling parties in the coalition. Is that better? Will that ensure press freedom? And if the local media do not depend on foreign wire services who should they turn to? Bernama? Journalists subordinates in a controlled media? Sure is not the case here. Or is it?

Funny story isn't it?

Thursday, June 15, 2006


(Adam: Wake me for food only.)

Some days when I wake up in the morning and I think…

1. Nationwide increase of fuel prices
2. Nationwide increase in electricity rates
3. Perak to increase water rates by 15% from July (I expect it will be nationwide eventually.)
4. Landslides kill innocent people.
5. Authorities lay the blame for landslides on God.
6. Authorities insist that they are powerless to stop unsafe hillside developments.
7. Unsafe developments continue.
8. Malaysians continue to buy unsafe, substandard housing.
9. Nationwide sugar shortage.
10. Formaldehyde in fish.
11. Bird flu.
12. Liars in Parliament.
13. Kids dying in national service (that statement is so tragic).
14. Hollywood-style shootouts on the streets.
15. Ulamas offering to destroy racial harmony, cultural understanding, community acceptance. And replacing brotherhood with “Tolerance”.
16. Et cetera…et cetera…et cetera…


Then I think…

1. The food is great.
2. The weather is not severe.
3. No natural disasters. Well…close one eye la.
4. Lots of public holidays and shopping malls.
5. Cheap DVD’s.
6. It’s better than Ghana
7. Errrrr……errrrrr……errrrrr…….

………..I think I will go back to bed. Goodnight.


(Adam: One last ice lolly before changing lifestyle.)

Last night I was surfing the tv channels trying to avoid the World Cup when I tuned into the closing seconds of a news story with our Deputy Prime Minister. Can’t remember the exact words but the DPM was expounding something or other on the current sugar shortage. Apparently, smuggling was one of the causes of the shortage and Najib said that if it smuggling persists the government will have to raise the price of sugar. (Oh-oh. Guess what is going up in price next.)

He said that the rakyat would not be happy about that. OR…he suggested…we can choose to take less sugar. In other words, change your lifestyle!

Thank you, Mr. Deputy Prime Minister, SIR!

Tell us la how you are going to solve the problem and we will willingly pitch in to help as responsible citizens. Take less sugar, squeal on smugglers, whatever it takes la. Just don’t talk to us like we’re small children la. Can or not? Hiyoh! Like that also don’t know.

Okay lah. Just to piss you readers off some more here is a photo of the DPM and his ma cai's supposedly having a BN management meeting. and I presume that one of the things they discussed was the sugar shortage and how Malaysians should cut down consumption of sugar. Sure looks like a lot of the sweet stuff on that table.........(Photo copied from NST Thursday15 June, 2006)
And another thing...the table appears more cluttered with food than meeting notes. And the way they are dressed and all the food on the table doesn't give me the impression that they had done or plan to do a lot of 'meeting' or work. Is it just me? Come on.

Smells Fishy

(Adam: You sure or not???)

I looked past the glassy eye of the dead kembong fish to the piece of the New Straits Times it was lying on. Pak Lah’s photo. Now, say what you like the guy has a great photo image. The Prime Minister la not the dead fish. Can’t tell the difference issit? Ya, Pak Lah is photogenic, the most so of all our PM’s I’d say. Great, “sincere” smile. Makes you want to look at him. Makes you want to see/read/hear/listen to what he has to say. But of course when you do he doesn’t really say anything worth shit la. But that’s a different story.

Last Tuesday’s NST front page screamed “Answers: Government to explain to the people”. Cool, I thought. Finally we’re going to get to the bottom of things. The real story. The Expose.

Turned out I was just hallucinating because my morning coffee had No sugar and too much caffeine. On the left of Pak Lah’s photo the story revealed that the government was going to kill off allegations made by the ex-PM. Good. But it goes on to say that these explanations may or may not be a tell-all read. Huh? How can explanations NOT tell all. Tell half ah? And then?

Wait, there’s more laughs coming. Apparently, our dear PM with the great smile told the MP’s and senators that “he did not want anyone hurt in the process”. And it went on to say that several of the MP’s took that to mean that the PM did not want Dr. Mahathir’s image dented. My initial reaction to reading that bit was, “What the F***K???!!!” Did not want anyone hurt? Did not want an image dented? Hello! The lights are on but is anyone home? As a simple, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen of Bolehland I could care less about dented images and hurt feelings. All I want is the truth and justice to be done. Is that too much to ask? And while we’re at it what about our very dented image as the laughing stock of the global stage? Maybe some attention should be paid to repairing that since we’re so concerned about images.

Okay la, that part of Tuesday’s NST front page irritated me but the last paragraph of the front page story really pissed me off la.

“Datuk Mohd. Said Yusof (Jasin) said: “At no point did he lose his cool and or start accusing anyone. He said the Government must show Malaysians that we are transparent.”

Remember this Datuk? Yup, he’s the ‘close one eye’ fler. He’s still there. He is now telling you and I about being transparent! I almost choked on my sugar-LESS coffee.

What happened to his case? Does anyone know? Does anyone remember? Does anyone care? I guess not.

I used Pah Lah’s page to consign the dead kembong to its icy crypt.

Then I read the wrappings for the vegetables.

And I am glad I did because on page 4 of last Tuesday’s NST there is a photo of that “one-eyed” MP from Jasin. This time with this laughable quote on the Mahathir/Pak Lah battle…

“All the MP’s are happy with Pak Lah. We offered to explain to the rakyat because if Pak Lah did it, he would be accused of being biased”

Yeah right! And when YOU do it we might think you’re LYING?

Is it just me or is it the general feeling of distrust and scepticism whenever we hear or read of utterances by our politicians? I mean, there used to be this kind of trust:…oh is it ah? Okay lor. I accept your explanation. But these days…no la.

Recently, there were reports that the fish sold in our markets contained formaldehyde (the stuff they inject into corpses to keep them ‘fresh’. Sorry. Couldn’t resist that.). What???!!! You mean I am embalming myself each time I eat ikan bakar? Chicken got bird flu. Meat is not good for health. And now fish also got problem. Eat what next ah?

But don’t worry …Deputy Health Minister Datuk Dr. Abdul Latiff Ahmad assures us that the formaldehyde level in our fish is at a “permissable level”. I want to believe him but…somehow I can’t la. Not 100% anyway. Sure got something or other not told to us. So that no images will be dented or feelings hurt ma. Get it? And some more don’t have photos of YB’s sitting at a table tucking into plates of fried fish. Sounds fishy.

Excuse me while I transfer Pah Lah and the kembong out of the freezer and into the garbage.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

It's His fault. He did it. Again.

(Careful guys. HE's watching your every move.)

Photo of the Eye of God copied from

If I was God I'd be damned pissed off at Malaysian officials. They have blamed a lot of things on the Almighty. Cracked highways. Floods. Landslides. Even for the all forgiving, all compassionate big Guy in the sky I am sure there must be a limit.

When the killer landslides in Ulu Klang happened I was waiting for the inevitable to be uttered. Well, to their credit they did manage to spend the first couple of days just pointing fingers and passing the buck. But yesterday it happened. And this time it was the Ampang Municipal Council president, Datuk Ahmad Safii Saidin who was given the task of passing the ultimate buck.

" is all in God's hands. God creates everything and if disaster strikes then it is God's will..."

Listen to what you said, YB. Sure God created everything. So if you fuck around with what he created He will kick your ass. And He did. And do you think that He will take kindly to the loss of those lives He created that were snuffed out by your inadequacies? I don't think so. Those will be on your account and guess where that reckoning is going to take place? What will you say then?

But...Surprise! Surprise! I never knew it would happen but it did.

In today's New Straits Times, the original "'s an act of God..." fler, Samy laid this latest one on ... human failure! Samy's learned his lesson? Or maybe God told him in a dream or vision, "Oi! Samy! Enough already. Or else..." Maybe the cracks in all those highways were his final warnings.

But the cynic in me has this niggling feeling that those cracks may be just indications that after blaming God for so long, Samy may have made a pact with the other guy whose name is always spelt in uppercase. Repairing those cracks is a multi-million Ringgit business you know. Hmmmm...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Not so funny leh.

In response to my blog about the rising prices of utilities like electricity and petrol a reader make a comment in jest (I think) that it won't be long before we get charged for breathing the air. I smiled when I read it. But today in the NST there is this advertisement which wiped the smile off my face for a minute. Has it started? Are they now showing us how to make clean air? Just like they so subtly got us buying and using water filters when clean water is a tax payer's right? Don't laugh. It might just happen. What? You think air is free ah?

The Circus Is In Town...send in the clowns

(Laura doing her impression of a Malaysian local councillor in full regalia)

Friday June 02, 2006: I am still reeling in disbelief after reading today's newspapers, The Star and The New Straits Times reports on the killer Ulu Klang landslides. There were excuses flying around, fingers pointing in all directions, bucks being passed. All accompanied by what the NST called "Another round of rhetoric, recriminations, accusations and stern warnings." But even without having to read too closely or between the lines we all realised that nothing good is going to come out of this circus performance. Nobody is taking responsibility. Nobody is making plans to stop this from happening again. And both our Big minister and his ultimate boss, Pak Lah (quite frankly, I am beginning to not want to address him as Pak anything anymore) have not learned the difference between giving warnings and using the extent of the law to protect lives and property. In page 7 of NST, this Prime Minister of ours continues to "hope", suggest, advise. I think he should kick some sorry asses and use the big stick. This pussy footing is killing innocent people.

Well, the story did report that he has directed the Public Works Department to carry out regular inspections of hillslopes and riverbanks. This is tragic because I seem to have heard this line before. Many times. The more people die, the more regular inspections are carried out. What happens after those inspections nobody knows and more will be carried out to commensurate with the body count at the next disaster.

Read this quote from the NST..."I hope the PWD will immediately start conducting regular inspections, especially during the rainy season. If this is done, appropriate follow-up action can be taken to strengthen the affected areas."

Anything wrong? Yes. 2 things.

First it is only the PM's "hope". And we all know how those having been going south recently.

Second, the follow-up actions hoped for somehow never happen. Ask any of the victims of all the landslides. Oh, sorry they can't answer you cos they're dead.

Elsewhere in the NST it is revealed that the Ampang Jaya Municipal Council had been warned about the unstable areas that are prone to landslides. But this finding was not made public because some quarters feared that it would cause a drop in property prices!!! And so the land did slide and with it all property prices around the area. So what's the nett result? Some innocent people died. But that's okay. We got more.

In the same story, the accused developer denied any responsibility. I almost cried when I read this quote from the CEO of the company. "We were not required to build the retaining wall in our original layout plan which was approved by the authorities but decided to do so out of goodwill upon a request from the authorities." You know that the area is not safe. You continue to build and sell properties there. And a safety feature to you is just a good will gesture to satisfy some 'authorities'???

The CEO goes on to point the finger at another development which she claims is the cause for the land becoming unstable. Okay, so the other guy did it. But isn't it your corporate and human responsibility to stop work and stop selling once you made that discovery and also start actions to report and or rectify the situation?

But one 'good' thing did happen in today's NST. The Big minister obviously got his P.R. people to do the right thing. The NST published a photo of him in his "upset" mode. Yesterday, he was fuming. Remember? But the photo of him in profile didn't really give the rakyat the proper impression. And so today...

"I'm UPSET. You hear?"
Actually, looking at his teeth he might have made a fairly decent dentist. Pity.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

More excrement from the big guy

(The Big Minister: See I told you baargers already. Now how?)

Photo copied from laman web Menteri Besar Selangor

There was another landslide in the Ulu Klang area yesterday. This time the landslide killed 4 innocent people.

I live in the Ulu Klang area.

I am very sad for the families of the victims (and I shall slap the next person who tells me that it's lucky it is only an Indonesian squatter area).

But more than sad I am ANGRY.

I am angry that such a thing could have happened again in an area that has already experienced 4 other fatal landslides since 1993. I am angry because like all the other times the politicians come out and visit the area, they put on the requisite sad and concerned looks. And they make statements. And then all will be forgotten until the next landslide.

Since I moved into the Ulu Klang area about 5 years ago I have seen hills being cleared, housing built and being built on precariously steep hill slopes. Since the 1993 Highland Towers tragedy there has been much talk about scrutinising developements on hillslopes etc. and how the authorities are going to be more careful in their approval of such projects. Talk, talk, talk...then more people die and talk some more. So 4 more landslides have occurred since 1993 and more people have lost their lives. Watch out for more talk and pronouncements from our elected representatives.

And then be prepared to die. From landslides caused by irresponsible development, drinking the tap water or just simply from working yourself to death to pay for the higher priced petrol and electricity cos nothing is going to happen make anything better.

In The Star today, the Big minister of our developed state was reported as "fuming". Meaning
that he is very, very, very angry la, that this has happened. He "...put the blame squarely on
greedy developers, contractors and consultants and ordered the proper authorities to review
projects situated in high gradient areas..."

So there. But this next quote is a killer one la.

"...I am fed up with the developers' attitude. In this case <...> the stage government's technical team foresaw the problem and had recommended the developer take mitigation measures to prevent a landslide. But they did not heed the call, and I am coming down hard on the developer of this project. I will make sure future projects involving high gradient areas are scrutinised with a fine tooth comb."

Just from that one paragraph alone, I as a member of the tax paying rakyat have a lot of questions I demand answers to.

Fuming? If he had any conscience or an ounce of honour he would resign. Sure the developers are to be blamed for cutting the hillside. But who gave them the approval for the project in the first place? It is a high gradient project in an area where there has been 4 other fatal landslides. So why were more developments allowed?

The government's technical team had foreseen the problem???!!! If they had foreseen the
problem why the f**k did they still allow it? Measures to prevent landslides? If such things were 100% possible the big Man upstairs would go out of business.

And the developers "did not heed the call"??? What the f**k does that mean? So what were
you doing about it? You mean they told you and your people to go f**k yourself and you let them? How many had to close one eye to allow that to happen?

So now you say that you are going to scrutinise all future projects involving high gradient areas.
So after the 5 landslides and the tragic loss of lives you are still planning to approve projects in
Ulu Klang which you yourself admit is a landslide prone area? I don't get your logic.

One more thing. So those people died and the Big minister made all the right noises at the
site. But I hope that as he drove out of there he also noticed all the other "projects" that are
being carved out of the Ulu Klang hills. Doesn't need his technical team to foresee shit. Just
drive along Jalan Ulu Klang. Anybody can see that there are scores of landslides waiting to

Wait...wait...wait...with one eye closed how to see, Patrick. Shit!

postscript: This MB guys is so full of crap that if he doesn't release some on us from time to time he'd this bit from the state website (which they copied from The Star)...

Retaining wall failed, says MB
Posted on Thursday, June 01 @ 15:19:22 MYT

KUALA LUMPUR: The landslide, which flattened the longhouses, was caused by the failure of a

retaining wall built by the developer of a nearby project, Selangor Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Dr

Mohd Khir Toyo said.

He said the retaining wall was only completed a week ago.

“Maybe it was a faulty design by the developer's consultants,” he said at the scene last night.

Dr Khir said the 54ha development was a distance away from the houses that were buried in the landslide.

However, he said the state government ordered the retaining wall to be built because it had reason to believe that the building works would cause the soil to become loose.

He added that the land where the longhouses were located was given to Malaysians but they

were rented out to Indonesians.

Dr Khir said the retaining wall was 100m long and 0.6m high.

“This incident should not have happened at all. I am very disappointed with the irresponsible

attitude of the consultant and contractor,” he said.

He hoped that the relevant authorities would take the necessary action against them.

the star online

I have red-lined the bits I think are shitty and stupid coming from anyone who is the Big minister of a developed state. You want to play also? Get a red marker pen.

I am not being very funny today as I write this. I find nothing to be funny about. Strange.